The Rhythm that Heals

Such great vibes this morning. I stay clear of the sad songs on my ipod. Instead, I just listen to the more therapeutic ones. And tonight, this is my favorite.

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

By Stars

When there is nothing left to burn
You have to set yourself on fire

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said "yes I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of that time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
You tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
And now you're outside me you see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road, from real love

Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

http://artists.letssingit.com/stars-lyrics-your-ex-lover-is-dead-1rgs6p3#ixzz1VolN2TX2

The Sun Rises for the Lonely

Last night I came undone. It was the climax of the unraveling that was bound to happen---which I’ve been waiting to happen, since that fateful day of the final sendoff. And just like a person who went on a drinking binge, I vomited all the poison inside me. I poured it all out in a 160-character message. With silence as a reply, I came back to my senses. I came back to earth after being confined in the boundless hell I created.

And I came back. Better. Stronger. Happier.

I woke up with a smile on my face. It was such a beautiful morning, not a cast of dark clouds in sight. I was greeted by a hug from a friend when I got to the office. Yes, a beautiful morning indeed.

Thank you for all those who prayed for my immediate recovery. For the kind words and for the overflowing love and support.

A text from Sponge Bob Square Pants*, my guy best friend: “I know how you feel. That’s the last step in moving forward, acceptance… Ma-oovercome mo rin yan. Ang kinaiinis ko lang, you’re thinking na ikaw nag pinakakawawa. You’re a wonder and intelligent person. Makakahanap ka rin ang sana kilalanin mo muna yung person--- whoever that might be. Baliktarin mo na lang ang situation, na you’re happy nakahanap na siya ng special someone. Wala ring mangyayari kung nagmamaktol ka diyan. You’ll soon realize that you’re contented with your life. Just go with the flow. Wag kang nega because you know that you tried everything to fix it. Remember, meron kang family and friends to support you.”

As usual, it was straightforward, in your face, no BS talk I expected him to say. And it got me.

While talking to Legolas*, my other guy friend and constant carpool buddy: “You don’t need to change anything about yourself. Yung pagiging uber talkative mo, the childlike qualities, the hyperactivity, even the bad things about you. Everything that makes you YOU. We all find you fun to be with, pretty, intelligent and nice. There’s nothing to change. You just need to find someone who can be brave enough to accept you for who you are.”

And finally, from Tubby, one of my best friends: “A few years ago, I was breaking down too and I turned to you. You gave me a link to the song “Fix You,” I remember because you did. #MYTURN

I wont tag you, but you’ll know this is for you. Feel pain and vow to get through it. Walang mahina sa pagkakakaibigang ito J”

I will get this right. I will get fixed. And i will be the person i intend to be. Thanks for the vote of confidence, everyone.

Breather

... And suddenly, almost magically, i felt so much better. :-)

Life does go on.

The Last Slip

I wanted to speak to you for the last time before I finally close this chapter of my life. If you had said the words i had wanted to hear, maybe it would have prolonged the agony and the pain for me... Knowing I can't have you or we can never make this work.

But your silence was the thing that I never wanted but i needed at that moment, at that time, to put me out of my misery. I now know where I stand. And I vow to respect it.

I just needed to give in to the lunacy. My last and final insanity before I come back to earth.

Finally and truthfully, i can breathe again.

Sigh No More

By Mumford & Sons

Serve God, love me and mend

This is not the end

Lived unbruised, we are friends

And I'm sorry

I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more

One foot in sea and one on shore

My heart was never pure

And you know me

You know me

But man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you

Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry

Of my heart to see,

The beauty of love as it was made to be

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858781875/

The First Step

You found somebody new. You moved on.  You’re happy ---or at the very least, pretending to be.

 

My heart broke into a million pieces. I thought I would die of the pain.  But I’m still here. And I vow to find the happiness I deserve.  

 

Today is a brand new day. Today lives a brand new me.

 

When the sun rose this morning, I knew, the worst part is over and it could only get better from here.

 

Perfectly Lonely

I'm tired of crying.

I think I've spent an ocean's worth of tears for the past 3 days. Breathing seems to be the hardest thing to do. I drive myself to the point of exhaustion just to be embraced by sleep the minute I lay myself to bed. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about you.

But I can't help it.

A picture of us still has its place on top of my dresser drawer. I still have our pillow beside me when I go to sleep. I still have everything you gave me. So, it must a be force of habit for me to think of you.

I'm not angry that you found somebody although I'm not exactly jumping for joy either. maybe its the selfish me who is hoping that we'd be the only two people who would rather be alone than to be with anybody else.

Not that I didnt try to find happiness in another, but for some reason, I tend to self-destruct and sabotage any hopes of getting out of this rut by letting myself be haunted by thoughts of you.

It pains me to say this, but at the end of the day, I still want you to be happy. To truly be able to find the other half of your heart. If you love her for all that she is, then you're starting things right. I hope you learned how to love her from how I loved you. It just sucks that you didn't make it right with me the first time. But all the same, the goal is to move on.

And as for me...

S.O.S.

I need someone to hold my heart. or piece it back together. Or just make it stop.

... because this pain is too much for me to bear. I'm sorry.

Midnight Musing

My greatest fear is to realize that after all has been said and done, I would never be able to love anyone else but you.

You. Yes You.

Don't force me to hate you.
I think you've abused me enough to make it appear to everybody that you're the martyr and I'm the villain.
I've endured all the insults and pain for the past four years. Stop making it appear that my move to finally get out of this prison is the worst crime anyone could commit.
Like you, I deserve to be happy too.

At the end of the day, it is not only you who is hurting and thinking that they may never find the half of their heart. I do, too. Every MINUTE Of EVERY DAY.

RESPECT. Is it really too much to ask?