early morning is such a bitch.

Crap Tuesday

So my eyebags are drooping to the floor, my hair is at its fluffiest with that irritating flyaways on the left side (only on the left side), I've run out of my favorite soap, i've got a hell of a day at the office, and my perennial object of obsession still does not notice me. What else??? What other misfortunes will the universe give me?

So my day is not perfect, what's new anyway? Its just that sometimes I'm wondering if I'm on a bathroom break when the good fortunes are being given.

Since i arrived Makati early, the first time this month, I took a leisure window shopping at Watsons. I wasnt planning on buying anything, since I'm strapped for cash until next payday. But when i saw those big hairpins they were selling, i told myself, hey, i gotta have some of those to pull off my "hindi ito Labandera kundi successful business woman" hairdo. Much to my disappointment, i found out that the Waved Hairpins (which i initially read as WAXED hairpins) was not the hairpin I was looking for. It had a huge gap in the middle, thus, you cannot use it the way hairpins should be used. Just when i was thinking I got the "reject" pack (which is not impossible, knowing how absurdly unfair the world treats me), my friend Karyll informed me that the hairpins I bought were the specific type women use to keep their buns up during special occasion, with the help of the ever reliable Aqua net-- in her example, pang Reyna Elena. okay, great.

NOt long after i realized this fact, i resigned to doing my usual hairdo since the cutting of my hair/ the return of the fluff which is the "inay, pagod ako sa trabaho, please wag nyo akong guluhin" ponytail. A major mistake because it has been one of my mantras not to look stressed when I'm stressed because it would result to me looking like Lola Madonna.

Even before i warmed my seat, i had to be bolted right up because i had to prepare for my orientation that day. I rushed everything, forgetting a lot of important documents along the way. God, i hate cramming. Anyway, i managed to look presentable, ahem, alive at the very least, by applying some makeup during the short ride to the other building.

The orientation was exhausting. I had to present twice, morning and afternoon, and was even asked for a personal dialogue with one of the lawyers of the company. Of course, i had to be the one to hear all the concerns of the clients ano? Even when the officer handling the account was there to answer them. I feel so used. I also missed a free lunch from one of my favorite agents. Crap.

To top this, we were confronted by the SVP/ COO of the company to complain to us about the bad incident that happened to her. I didnt know what to say to appease her, it was really our fault, although i tried.

"ma'am, we appreciate the feedback. Rest assured that the people concerned will be apprehended."

Once the line was said, i had to curse myself mentally. WHatthe??? What i meant to say was REPRIMANDED not apprehended. Until now, i want to bang my head against the wall for saying such a stupid thing in front of the SVP. What am I? SOme cop? Grabe na ito, isang major blooper.

Since i still cannot get that effing poison out of my mind, i had to call my friend Mamba to accompany me on the way home. As usual, she made me wait for 30 minutes at the ever so busy/ pang day off meeting place (Glorietta activity center).

On the way home, we spotted a Zagu stand at the Mrt station. Despite eating a mcchicken meal and salad less than an hour ago, we had to satisfy our craving. As expected, we had to sacrifice riding the MRT in order for us to drink the Grande w/ extra pearl shake that we ordered. Also, as expected, Road rage na naman ito.

We rode the NON AIRCONED bus, with open doors, and thanked the heavens because traffic was not so heavy. Yun nga lang, expect your every ride on the bus your last because apparently, the words "road courtesy" do not exist in the bus driver's handbook. It swerves, it cuts, and it stays a foot away, at most, from the other buses. I swear, the passenger from the adjacent bus can actually drink from my zagu shake.

Good thing that the bus driver is playing some songs to keep us from being bored. He was playing eye of the tiger, Love of my Life (queen ba ito?), and that "drive my car" song. Never mind that he was playing MLTR (blech). We bobbed our heads and sang along to Bohemian Rhapsody (the most bizarre song ever) and All Apologies by Nirvana. Thanks to the driver who seemed like he jugged a gallon of red bull, we got home before the OC starts.

So, does anyone want to compete with how *great* my day is? the floor is yours.

P.S.

I am officially sick with a cold.

Bumming

Could it be that God has fully mapped out my life even before I came into this world?
That no matter what I do, how hard i try, I cannot possibly change my destiny?

What if im bound to be a spinster, alone and loveless until my dying days? Wala lang, morbid thoughts.

***

I just love the weekend.

Last night, my friends and I watched a movie at g4. This sudden plan was brought about by the aroma of freshly popped popcorn at work. Initially, we just wanted to go out either sing at our favorite videoke room, drink a couple of beers, or hang out at the nearest coffee house. Ngunit impulsive as we are, we decided to watch a movie.

Hmmm, what to watch, what to watch? ooooh... My boss Ms. DT has been raving on the latest Banderas film., Take the Lead. She was endorsing it to us like it was "Oscars material" which i know is impossible, like hello? Its Antonio banderas... Nobody expects him to act, he's merely an eye candy. But we cant watch Lake House since it FHM babe and Sick Leave would be watching it together with their boyps.

So, Take the Lead it is.

The movie was starting when we arrived, and within the first 5 minutes, we immediately noticed one major flaw about the movie, the microphone kept showing from above. Laugh trip kung laugh trip dahil consistent sha. Nung una, medyo may attempt pang iconceal. Ngunit nung sumunod, yung isang buong mic at ang long mic stand na ang nakikita. At hindi lang sha sa sa mga indoor shots, akalain mong pati dun sa mga outdoor scenes kung san tumatakbo ang artista ay nakasunod sha? grabe, low budget talaga.

In fairness to the movie, talagang sexy magsalita si Antonio at magaling ang mga dance moves nila. At kamustahin mo ang nasa likod namin, napaka appreciative. talagang tumatawa sha at nung natapos ang dance competition, talagang pumapalakpak sha. Akala siguro, hindi namin alam. Feeling ko, nag standing ovation pa sha. Hindi lang namin masigurado dahil nasa likod namin sha.

At natapos ng ganun ganun lang ang pelikula, hindi man lamang namin napansin.

Salamat sa mic, talagang na entertain kami. Dahil mga bagong sweldo, animo'y wala nang bukas ang kinain namin. After the movie, we went to Heaven and Eggs to eat.I ordered the Chicken Steak w/ egg. Isa itong Last Supper/ Pambitay Meal. It has fried chicken slathered with bechamel sauce, scrambled egg, mashed potato and a choice between rice, bread and pancake. I chose RICE, of course. (grin)

After non, hindi pa nagtatapos ang quest namin to bloat ourselves and throw away our precious earnings. Nag Seattles Best kami para sa aming daldalan episode.

Kahit na kaming mga singles na lang ang natira (Karyll, Ambec and I), sobrang nagenjoy kami dahil we got to reminisce about the old days nung hindi pa kami close.

Ang downside lang ay wala nang mrt na masasakyan kaya kelangan ko na talagang mag cab na hindi madali dahil friday night ito, umaambon at ako ay nakatira sa dulo ng mundo. Buti na lang at may nagsakay sa akin... Ngunit hindi, ang driver ko, inaantok. Promise, nakikita ko shang natutulog pag dumadaan kami sa madilim na lugar (tunnel ng cubao etc).

Thank God I got to live to the the story, the Story of Take the Lead.

Huwaahaha.

Between Brownout & the Venti Coffee

Paksyet, anong petsa na at gising pa rin ako?

In another three hours, papasok na naman akong muli sa opisina. Isa na naman akong alipin ng corporate monotony. Okay na sana eh, wala lang akong boy toy na laging magpapasaya sa aking black and white na mundo.

Bakit kaya nagaalburuto ang tiyan ko? Dahil kaya ito sa Venti Caramel Frap na nilaklak ko? Ah ewan, masakit ang tiyan ko at hindi ako makatulog.

Ano kaya kung antayin ko na lang na mag 5:30 at maliligo na ako? Wala nang tulog tulog! Hayaan nyo na lang akong maglupasay mamya habang nagra route ako ng dokumento. Di na baleng mukha akong nalugi sa sugal kinabukasan. Sana ganun ganun lang yun... ngunit hindi.

Isang araw na hindi ako makapasok ay isang araw na hindi ako makakasilay. saan? Kanino? Wala lang, echos lang.

****

Yes, finally, my hair is near the completion of its awkward stage. Hindi na mukhang nirerepel ako ng sarili kong buhok sa tindi ng fly away na multi- layer. In a matter of weeks, mapu pull off ko ulit ang "I am a wanton woman who just got out of bed, care nyo?" look. Ngunit subalit datapwa, narerealize ko rin na mahaba- habang explanation din ang kelangan kong ioffer kung bakit nagmumukhang troll na naman ang buhok ko. To make things easier, itatali ko na lang sha.

****

Grabe na ito. Alam nyo ba na usong uso na ang Scandinavian looking people ngayon? yung pula ang buhok? True, dalawang officemates ko ang nagpapula ng buhok. Nakakaaliw. Buti na lang at bagay sa kanila dahil sila ay mga mapuputi. Kung ako siguro yun, mukha akong human pimple/ pasa.

****

Kelangan ko na talagang matulog.

The Universe is YOU

Thanks to the unexpected brownout and the boost of my favorite Starbucks Caramel Frap, I am once again a prisoner of melodrama and fluid poetry. In 20 minutes top, I surrendered to these words of profession and realized that you still capture the romantic in me.


*****

saved as draft in phone on 6/15/06 at around 1:02 am, Anna Banana time zone

*****


In this darkness, i think of the only light that penetrates my empty soul
- I think of you my passing Star.
You bring warmth to this frigid heart, hoping you would linger.
For a moment, i thought I could catch you and place you above
my bare ceiling, intending to see you in my every waking breath
and my last rational second before i fall into a deep slumber
where you would incessantly haunt my dreams.
Yes, you steal me of other thoughts and leave me
with this incongruous feeling of despair
because no matter how brightly you shine,
you will eventually crash into that infinite blackness.
Everytime you pass, my star,
is another pregnant moment for me to hold my breath
and fervently wish to the Owner of the sky, that should you fall,
you'd fall for me.
But an eternity has come and gone
without you noticing me watching you
from this barren earth I stand, a galaxy suspended
until i realize that you are too distant for me to touch.
My heart explodes like a million meteors colliding
every single time you pass my way.

With every light you bring,
My sky falls.

The Week of the Living Dead

Nakapapagod itong linggong ito.

Overtime, client calls, videoke session... I cannot believe that all of these happened in one week. Thank God for INDEPENDENCE DAY. I can finally breathe.

Overtime

Its probably the weight of Gelli's resignation that's forcing me to extend my working hours. I am torn between finishing my deliverables and mentoring my protege, i am stressed for time, but i'll live.

I just dont like working overtime because its helluva depressing when you are working alone. You tend to think of all the things lacking in your life. I was inside the fx on my way home last monday when i had this terrible urge to bawl my eyes out. Basta... ang weird talaga. I tried to find solace in silence, tutal wala naman talaga akong magagawa right?

Client calls

Now im back to handling corporate accounts, im expecting to be out of the office a lot. being gone from the office is fine, what i dont like is the nitty gritty stuff that goes along with it. The presmats, reserving of in focus, car requests, etc etc. I am just not a detail oriented person. I think i thrive more in a disorganized / dynamic environment where i can let my creativity run free. I feel that my colors stand out in a black background, not white. Well, to each his own.

Tapos, i had to meet up with one of my business partners' sister because we are organizing her wedding. My friend gelli, put up this events company (where anime and i are included) and we are mostly being booked for weddings. I can say that the company has a lot of potential...its promising. Although i have no idea at all about weddings, I'm excited to explore outside my usual box (organizing parties, seminars etc). This is a whole new era for me.

Last wednesday, we went to XXXbank, one of our most prominent clients to do a visit as well as to help in answering phone calls. Wala lang, its not as toxic as i thought it would be. Feeling senior CAA pa ako because i'm with one of our new hires. Instead of eating at the cafeteria of the building, we went to Rob place instead and didnt come back until 1:15. bakit, flexi time eh.

Videoke Session

Two birthdays, two nights of endless videokes. Ang saya, halos dumugo na ang lalamunan ko kakakanta. Last friday, we went to Karyll's house to celebrate her birthday party in advance. After stuffing myself with food, i felt sleepy afterwards. Pero riot pa rin ang CAA Mafia kahit na maagang umalis sina madelicious and Ambec, and LMF. Late na rin sina me2 and astraboy dumating, pero kebs lang, enjoy talaga. Ang funny kasi we had this contest going on at mega competitive kami. kahit hindi namin alam ang kanta (dahil nakarandom mode sha), tinatapos pa rin namin sha. Nevermind na french pa sha (karyll sang Une Je plus jemais- tama ba?) or spanish (la historia de amor- the spanish version of Love Story na kinanta ko naman), ang importante, makanta namin sha.

Kina the night after, kina Queer naman kami pumunta. medyo late na kaming dumating ni Anime dahil galing pa ako sa office for an overtime. Nasabi ko na ba na hindi pa sha out? well, i seriously doubt na hindi pa alam ng magulang nya.. bakit? dahil andun ang highschool barkada nya na pulos mga X-men, at ang tawag sa barkada nila ay, Tiffany (and company). I forgot kung anong codename ni Queer, parang daisy ata... basta, lahat sila ay may alterego. Sa dami ng bisita nya, iisa lang ang tunay na lalaki, at medyo malamya pa. Kaya i doubt na hindi alam ng pamilya nya.

Anyway, we played poker after eating. Kaso lang, i was distracted by Queer's friend, Miguel, dahil ang ganda ng boses nya. Rocker at sobrang manly... my brain was flying when i heard him sing Interstate Love Song... hindi mo talaga aakalain na naka flipflops sha at naghe hair talk (yung he's cute). As an attempt to show our social graces, we stopped playing poker and went to join Queer's friends sa Videoke. Ngunit hindi, gustuhin man naming makikanta, hindi namin kinaya. After kumanta ng kaibigan ni Queer ng Through the Fire, nagsibalikan na lang kami sa pwesto namin para maglasing. Ibang level naman kasi sila eh, si Miguel, kasali sa Pinoy Pop Superstar, at ung isa, sa Philippine Idol, kamustahin mo naman kam? Si flamethrower, magical din ang boses. kaya nyang sirain ang kahit na anong kanta, kahit pa hindi ganun kahirap kantahin. When it was our turn to sing, para kaming mga baboy na kinakatay. tama ba namang kumanta ng mga birit songs eh ang bababa ng boses namin? After kumanta ni Mamba at Flamey ng Since you've been gone and Lala Song, alam kong malapit na kaming ipabarangay ng mga kapitbahay. Tanong nga ni Flamey kay Queer, "pinag out of town nyo ba ang mga kapitbahay nyo?"

In fairness, mag bago na akong gustong song, Kay Tagal by Rachel Alejandro.

Nagtantrums na ako pagdating ng alas 3, i wanted to go home na pero ang haba pa ng line up of songs nina Anime, Flamey and Mamba... tinulugan ko na sila. Ginising na lang nila ako ng 4:30 nung naubusan na sila ng enerhiyang kumanta at dumating na rin yung cab na pinatawag namin.

Ayun... at least balanced ang buhay ko.

My Meltdown

This is not my week.

Im depressed, my hair is always defying me, i am always toxic at work and i cant seem to stop eating.

Ewan ko ba, i know that i shouldnt be feeling what im feeling now, but i cant help it. I am pissed.. although the object of my ire is out of target. He is faultless, stoic/naive/clueless, but still faultless. He shouldnt feel the weight of my dagger stares and i am trying my best not to give him one. (although inside, im cosmically sending him messages of hate). I am struggling to keep my sanity intact (to avoid innocent people from being dragged in my path of self-destruction)although it is costing me precious joules doing it. On the outside, i am as sunshine-y but inside I am a volcano waiting to erupt.

Di ko na kayang magpanggap.

The Mov(i)es

Wow, this is huge... After almost one year of not watching a movie, I finally had the time and energy to watch not one, but two movies in a span of two weeks. Wahoo.

The Da vinci Code

I cant say that im disappointed, i was actually expecting to be dismayed.

even when i started to read the book, i already knew that it would be very hard to capture the essence of the novel and make it into a film. Why? because its full of facts. Although there are a lot of suspense and action sequence, we must admit that what drew us to the book was the "ideas" that the book was furnishing us. Davah? Pero i must admit that Tom Hanks looks so much better with hair. And Audrey Tatou (tama ba ang spelling?) was amazingly stunning. I am a huge fan of hers from Amelie. She was "adorable* but not really stunning. I like her hair now.

Anyways, i have higher hopes for the next Dan Brown Movie, Angels and Demons. I think that it has more "action". I cant wait.

X-Men the Last Stand
Wala, I have no regrets spending 260 pesos ( i treated my cousin when she fetched me at the office) for a movie. Seeing Wolverine (hugh jackman) in a wife beater and tight jeans and a half naked archangel, with those tongue-wagging cuts, the movie was worth it. I'd pay anyday to watch hunks save the world.

I just think that jean Grey/ phoenix looks way too old for wolverine/ cyclops. Sana ako na lang... pero to be more realistic, sana si rebecca romjin (mystique) na lang ang gumanap. haruumph... pero ika nga ng aking newfound motto, MOVE ON, AM.

***

I am such a corn whore. I can eat two corns in one sitting. Anover. Isa na akong super takaw na growing child... (horizontally, not vertically).

***

Okay, ibang level na ito... from a free fondant cake, i now got a mangga w/ bagoong from one of my "admirers". Okay, masarap ang bagoong...fine. pero hindi ako madadala sa ganun... Para naman akong matimtimang dilag mula sa probinsya at binibigyan talaga ako ng prutas ano?

Hindi... hindi mahaba ang buhok ko... Hindi na feasible na kiligin ako sa kahit na anong gawin ng ibang tao para sa akin. Isa na akong bato... gaya nya.

paksyet. Ayoko nang magdrama. Istaf this.

Crash Boom Bang

Okay, so my computer crashed again... for the nth time.

All my precious pictures, my files, egad! my hard to find mp3s...

I should be used to this kind of misfortune... it has happened more than thrice. shoot me, but i just cant get over this.

but i must... like some aspects in my life i have to, have to get over with. Like the fact na whatever we used to have, real or imagined, will never happen again. ayokong magdrama but i was clinging to the idea that we used to be friends kaya should i make any efforts to befriend him once again, it would be easy. But no. My sky is falling.

Naalala ko tuloy ang song from the OC by Dandy Warhol...

A long time ago, we used to be friends...

ayun...

moving on, i have other stuff to be depressed about. I should not harp on the fact that he never thought of me as a real friend chorva chorva... Ok, AM?