Ceboom Cebu- A Stepping Stone to my Infinite Bliss

I am so excited for tomorrow's epic Perksquad Annual Outing. 8 months in the making, finally the time has come for us to conquer Cebu! I cannot be more excited. Its time for us to hit the beach and soak up some sun. We don't care that it's no longer summer, or the fact that there seems to be 10,000 nights of thunder in all parts of the universe. We are going to be loud, tanned and happy.

I will symbolically purge my old soul in Cebu. Set myself on fire and from the embers of my grief, a new, nay, a better me will emerge. The things I've been putting off will finally see the light of day. I will finish my driving school, enroll in MBA class, quit my vices and live a healthier lifestyle. I'm gonna be a happier me--one who is devoid of all the hangups and negative vibes.


And I will love again. Maybe not now, but eventually, I will. :-)

but before that, CEBOOM!

OST for My 27th: Time of my Life, the Dirty Bit Edition

To say that my birthday salubong was great is a severe understatement. It was EPIC. LEGENDARY. And according to Tubby, IZDASHIT!

It's not the bottomless cocktails, the delicious gyoza, the perfect weather that made it special. Not even the attentiveness of the waiters, the great music and the cosmopolitan ambience.
It was the fact that my best friends were there not only to greet me happy birthday, but to show their undying, untiring, all out support for me during these trying times. The supposed simple dinner and wait-til-12 midnight drinks turned into a night of laughter, dance and heartfelt embraces that lasted till the early morning. In the middle of the red dance floor, between our booth and the pole, amidst the well-dressed crowd, the Perks, shared the tightest group hug they had in years. If you’ve got friends who’ll drop everything to be with you when you feel like the single loneliest person in the world, then you won’t mind sticking it out with the existential sadness once in a while.


Thank you for making my 27^th a special one. We may never know/ have/be with the "one"; but as long as I have you, I will be forever blessed.

No Birthday Blues Allowed

No less than 5 people greeted me today. That was a day in advance from my actual birthday. What time zone are they from? Or better yet, did I forget what date it is today? It must be this week’s toxicity at work or my recent personal struggles which I (with much chutzpah) was able to overcome. I feel so blessed. J

It’s time for my birthday salubong! Wheee! I’ll be spending it with my bestest best friends and people closest to my heart (apart from my family, that is). This is exactly what I need. Super excited!

Two Guys, A Girl and a Chicken Hunt

Ever since Legolas*, my super friend and official driver, announced his resignation more than a month ago, we (Legolas, Spongebob and I) have made a pact to make the most out of our time together. That means pigging out and laughing/ fighting hysterically every chance we get. We've tried almost all the restaurants in the Tomas Area, have coffee together, and I was able to make them watch an Indie film. Their first, If i may add.

So, I was back to my usual talkative self (the one they frequently make fun of) after a few days of hiatus. They were glad I'm back to normal only to be agitated again by my "purging" story. I never expected them to be that affected that the poor steering wheel took the brunt of Legolas' frustration over my supposed lapse in judgment. I was like a kid being scolded by her two older brothers. After the shouting match (which actually happens daily during our ride home), they had the weirdest craving for Chooks To Go. Haha. So that actually sums up our friendship. Pig out+ Teasing Match+ Platonic Love for one another. I couldn't ask for anything better.

I may not have a boyfriend, but I do have two of the greatest boy_friends one girl could ever have.

Thank you Legolas and Spongebob for keeping my sanity intact. :-)

Much Love,

your beloved Eugene Domingo

The Rhythm that Heals

Such great vibes this morning. I stay clear of the sad songs on my ipod. Instead, I just listen to the more therapeutic ones. And tonight, this is my favorite.

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

By Stars

When there is nothing left to burn
You have to set yourself on fire

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said "yes I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of that time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
You tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
And now you're outside me you see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road, from real love

Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

http://artists.letssingit.com/stars-lyrics-your-ex-lover-is-dead-1rgs6p3#ixzz1VolN2TX2

The Sun Rises for the Lonely

Last night I came undone. It was the climax of the unraveling that was bound to happen---which I’ve been waiting to happen, since that fateful day of the final sendoff. And just like a person who went on a drinking binge, I vomited all the poison inside me. I poured it all out in a 160-character message. With silence as a reply, I came back to my senses. I came back to earth after being confined in the boundless hell I created.

And I came back. Better. Stronger. Happier.

I woke up with a smile on my face. It was such a beautiful morning, not a cast of dark clouds in sight. I was greeted by a hug from a friend when I got to the office. Yes, a beautiful morning indeed.

Thank you for all those who prayed for my immediate recovery. For the kind words and for the overflowing love and support.

A text from Sponge Bob Square Pants*, my guy best friend: “I know how you feel. That’s the last step in moving forward, acceptance… Ma-oovercome mo rin yan. Ang kinaiinis ko lang, you’re thinking na ikaw nag pinakakawawa. You’re a wonder and intelligent person. Makakahanap ka rin ang sana kilalanin mo muna yung person--- whoever that might be. Baliktarin mo na lang ang situation, na you’re happy nakahanap na siya ng special someone. Wala ring mangyayari kung nagmamaktol ka diyan. You’ll soon realize that you’re contented with your life. Just go with the flow. Wag kang nega because you know that you tried everything to fix it. Remember, meron kang family and friends to support you.”

As usual, it was straightforward, in your face, no BS talk I expected him to say. And it got me.

While talking to Legolas*, my other guy friend and constant carpool buddy: “You don’t need to change anything about yourself. Yung pagiging uber talkative mo, the childlike qualities, the hyperactivity, even the bad things about you. Everything that makes you YOU. We all find you fun to be with, pretty, intelligent and nice. There’s nothing to change. You just need to find someone who can be brave enough to accept you for who you are.”

And finally, from Tubby, one of my best friends: “A few years ago, I was breaking down too and I turned to you. You gave me a link to the song “Fix You,” I remember because you did. #MYTURN

I wont tag you, but you’ll know this is for you. Feel pain and vow to get through it. Walang mahina sa pagkakakaibigang ito J”

I will get this right. I will get fixed. And i will be the person i intend to be. Thanks for the vote of confidence, everyone.

Breather

... And suddenly, almost magically, i felt so much better. :-)

Life does go on.

The Last Slip

I wanted to speak to you for the last time before I finally close this chapter of my life. If you had said the words i had wanted to hear, maybe it would have prolonged the agony and the pain for me... Knowing I can't have you or we can never make this work.

But your silence was the thing that I never wanted but i needed at that moment, at that time, to put me out of my misery. I now know where I stand. And I vow to respect it.

I just needed to give in to the lunacy. My last and final insanity before I come back to earth.

Finally and truthfully, i can breathe again.

Sigh No More

By Mumford & Sons

Serve God, love me and mend

This is not the end

Lived unbruised, we are friends

And I'm sorry

I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more

One foot in sea and one on shore

My heart was never pure

And you know me

You know me

But man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you

Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry

Of my heart to see,

The beauty of love as it was made to be

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858781875/

The First Step

You found somebody new. You moved on.  You’re happy ---or at the very least, pretending to be.

 

My heart broke into a million pieces. I thought I would die of the pain.  But I’m still here. And I vow to find the happiness I deserve.  

 

Today is a brand new day. Today lives a brand new me.

 

When the sun rose this morning, I knew, the worst part is over and it could only get better from here.

 

Perfectly Lonely

I'm tired of crying.

I think I've spent an ocean's worth of tears for the past 3 days. Breathing seems to be the hardest thing to do. I drive myself to the point of exhaustion just to be embraced by sleep the minute I lay myself to bed. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about you.

But I can't help it.

A picture of us still has its place on top of my dresser drawer. I still have our pillow beside me when I go to sleep. I still have everything you gave me. So, it must a be force of habit for me to think of you.

I'm not angry that you found somebody although I'm not exactly jumping for joy either. maybe its the selfish me who is hoping that we'd be the only two people who would rather be alone than to be with anybody else.

Not that I didnt try to find happiness in another, but for some reason, I tend to self-destruct and sabotage any hopes of getting out of this rut by letting myself be haunted by thoughts of you.

It pains me to say this, but at the end of the day, I still want you to be happy. To truly be able to find the other half of your heart. If you love her for all that she is, then you're starting things right. I hope you learned how to love her from how I loved you. It just sucks that you didn't make it right with me the first time. But all the same, the goal is to move on.

And as for me...

S.O.S.

I need someone to hold my heart. or piece it back together. Or just make it stop.

... because this pain is too much for me to bear. I'm sorry.