Perfectly Lonely

I'm tired of crying.

I think I've spent an ocean's worth of tears for the past 3 days. Breathing seems to be the hardest thing to do. I drive myself to the point of exhaustion just to be embraced by sleep the minute I lay myself to bed. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about you.

But I can't help it.

A picture of us still has its place on top of my dresser drawer. I still have our pillow beside me when I go to sleep. I still have everything you gave me. So, it must a be force of habit for me to think of you.

I'm not angry that you found somebody although I'm not exactly jumping for joy either. maybe its the selfish me who is hoping that we'd be the only two people who would rather be alone than to be with anybody else.

Not that I didnt try to find happiness in another, but for some reason, I tend to self-destruct and sabotage any hopes of getting out of this rut by letting myself be haunted by thoughts of you.

It pains me to say this, but at the end of the day, I still want you to be happy. To truly be able to find the other half of your heart. If you love her for all that she is, then you're starting things right. I hope you learned how to love her from how I loved you. It just sucks that you didn't make it right with me the first time. But all the same, the goal is to move on.

And as for me...