the Road to Happiness: an Idiot's Guide to Commuting

Phase 1:satellites and rocketships
im having my longest depression streak since thoushallnotbenamed and I "broke up". Nothing bad happened. I just think that my current state of affairs isnt what it should be. After being in a rut for a long unfathomable time, i know i deserve better. I am so out of it (anong it?) and i feel that i am losing my passion for my friends, studies, org etc. It scares the hell out of me, this floating phase i am in. In the long run, i might enjoy it too much that i'd decide never to return. It's a possibility. a huge one, for that matter.

Phase 2: an empty jeepney
Where are the people when you need them?!? i have been texting my friends to go online. I am in dire need to chat with someone, to connect with someone, to have someone bring warmth to my frigid existence ( i bet if someone attacks me with a taser, i wouldnt feel a thing). I was actually expecting my friends to be online since classes were suspended due to transport strike. (We consider every suspension a holiday, thus giving us the right to stay up late) But to my utter disappointment, no one's here.

Phase 3: spacecrafts
What do i usually do to lessen my depression? i turn to my ever-reliable friend, the MP3 player to cheer me up. But Alas, (does anyone still use this expression?) all my new downloads seem to be songs of death, sadness and goodbyes. Adding to my aggravation is the realization that the 747 song by Kent that i patiently downloaded happened to be in a foreign language. Why are these things happening to me? What's next, me falling into an open manhole, geting struck by lightning, being abducted by aliens? I am generally a GOOD person, mean at times, but still GOOD.

Phase 4: Magic Carpet
One indication that im beginning to like someone is when i start to dream about him. That means i think about him more often than i wanted to. Thus, i MAY be liking dilbert in a pet-tish kind of way (dont make me explain this, its complicated). Though i know there's something lacking in his personality and we dont romantically click (at least on my side), i think that familiarity can harness whatever it is that is available as of this moment. Rest assured that I am summing up all my Kontrabida powers to overcome this one (i dont want to break a heart, his nor mine).

Phase 5: Taxi Cab going Nowhere
On the brighter side of things (wow, there's one?), my good friend scarlet called me up to chitchat. SHe was my pseudo- bestfriend in college; the one who was beside me during one of the most tumultuous times of my life. I was thrilled to talk to her, she can help me redirect my life by telling me that the "world" out there is kinder than my BA 101 prof paints it to be. But again, someone is screwing up with my life. Instead of being enlightened, our conversation only darkened my already dim vision of the real world. She didnt sound happy with her job (overtime til 10 pm), with her boyfriend (whom she fought with because they cant get a taxi going to Megamall), with her life in general. ALthough she never said that things sucked, i can sense that she's not contented with whatever it is that life is giving her. Now, did i say there's a brighter side to my story? wait.. let me try again.

Phase 6: the Love Bus
Since today is a self-proclaimed holiday, i allowed myself the luxury of being a couch potato. At 3 pm, i was able to catch the rerun of last night's episode of Good Morning, Miami. Joel Silver (i dont know his real name) has a great ass. haha... the story is not bad either. There's one line that struck me. It was during their practice date when Joel said to Dylan, " its not because you have a lovely face or that you have a smile that can light up an entire room. Nor the fact that you're beautiful. There's just something about your eyes that opens up a gateway to a world where i want to be a part of. " --- mushy, but heartfelt.

ANd oh, i was able to see an episode from the first season of Ally Mcbeal. Now i remembered why i wanted to be a lawyer. I love ally mcbeal. back in Highschool, i thought that it was the story of my life. and now that i was able to watch it again, i can see more resemblance in our character and experiences. She's clumsy, funny, silly, pensive, perky, a dreamer and romantic cynic.

Anyway, the episode was about an old famous painter who is asking his son to let him open a gallery and marry a woman 40 years his junior. The son, of course, did not allow his requests. He is adamant that his father is still madly in love with his mother who died 7 years ago. I wont go into the details but the main theme of the story is about that Once in a lifetime love; a love that only exists once in a person's life and never goes away and never lets go. Of course, it was also talking about the Ally- billy love story, my favorite complication. God, it was heart-wrenching. That's what i love most about this series. It can make you laugh and cry at the same time. Heck, i can actually blame this program for my insanity and fantasies. Now, still wondering about the brighter side?

Phase 7: the Love-Bound Express Train
hmmm, i dont know. maybe for some people, the ally story is the and-they-lived-happily-every-after point in this depressing post. one great love can be tragic for those who let it pass them by but heavenly for those who were able to catch it and keep it forever. As for me, im still your most hated damsel in distress, waiting for the express train called Love to stop at my station.