secret smile.

these past few days, i have grown silent, detached from the entire world i used to see through rose-colored glasses. devoid of any passion. i am outgrowing this space i saved for everything i hold close to my heart. i need to breathe.

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i called samantha last night and i was finally able to talk to her (after ten thousand years). She confirmed the blog news that she transferred to a nursing school. it was a relief hearing her calm and feminine voice. even when her life is being turned upside down, she still maintained her composure, always speaking slowly, as if everything she is saying is a mattter of life and death.

she talked about her chance meeting with lucifer, the guy who broke her heart 6 months ago. i listened intently, not letting any detail pass. This was samantha, pouring her heart out. if you knew this friend of mine, you can actually say that this is a rare event. syzygy. i smiled secretly. ice princess no more.

i treasure moments like that. nothing nice is happening to me (note the term i used, nice. i even downplayed it to the lowest level). everything is so mediocre. Not that i want a life of extravagance. i just want...

BA 190 class. 1:19 pm. Rm 104.

Sir latte:what at do you want to do after you graduate? where do you want to work?

fantasy ME: i want to be in New Zealand, with the cows and the sheep. Own my own dairy farm. walk barefoot in the fields. in the afternoon, i want to drive to the nearest waterfall and have a secret meeting with the love of my life. Go home and dream of the days ahead of me.

real ME: i want to work in a magazine publication and be a food and music critic.

rational ME: how would you do that?

Honest ME: i don't have a friggin' clue.

i really have to reassess my life plans.

im forgetting where my heart is.