too crushed, too curious.

how would you feel if you found out that your "Ex" is going steady with a girl you used to quarrel with because she was always a third party between the two of you? would you:
a. tear the girl's hair apart?
b. confront that sonofagun and tell him what a major slut he is.
c. congratulate them, but make an evil plot to blow their heads off
d. none of the above.

i surprised myself. i actually did nothing. in fact, i felt no anger, hatred, bitterness whatsoever. the news only confirmed all my preconceived notions about their relationship. I'm not whacked afterall. I have legitimate reasons for feeling that way back then.

ooooohhh... yes. finally,the guilt is gone.

but truth be told, im kinda sad. not for myself, but for sushi girl. I know how she feels. its not really the pangs of jealousy but the awkwardness and the knowledge that many people are thinking about what she's thinking.. and knowing that they are all wrong. that surely sucked.

Anyway, im totally cool with it. if there's that one thing that's bothering me, its the question: what took them so long? hmmmm...Also, i already put the past behind me. Im friends with beyonce and thoushallnotbenamed and i dont want this "small glitch" to ruin all the efforts i exerted for us to be ok.

my mind's drfting to neverland... and the song on my playlist ( grazed knees by snow patrol), isnt making me giddy with happiness. (Commercial: Oh My God! i just saw something from my brother's mail that im not supposed to see...) now, i feel worse.

hello? what the freak is happening to me? its only been a week since the sem started and im a wreck. I miss my execom friends, my babies, most of all, i miss my high school friends. I've been trying to call Samantha for the past, uhmm, ten years. still no return calls. she's undergoing major changes in her life and i really wanna be there for her.

i want to cry. i dont know why... its this song again! hmmm.. but i love it, nevertheless. watched wicker park yesterday. it was great..

im contemplating on my life, my decisions and my future. after giving them some thought, i came to the conclusion that i am going nowhere. my wants are so generalized and so shallow that even if i get them, i'm still not happy. what do i want right now?
1. i dont want to be unemployed after i graduate.
2. i dont want to flunk/ get a low score in my thesis.
3. i dont want to have a deadly and painful sickness, specifically cancer.
-- wait, these are things i DOnt want.. hmmm, things that i like.. things that i like...
(blank)
oh, no. captain, we have a problem.

Take me to New Zealand. i promise everyone that i will be a good citizen. i will not run down cows, sheep, whatever. just take me there.

(thoughts wandering)

im really curious about them. gotta stop this now.

(i wish unwanted thoughts will self destruct after five seconds upon their appearance in my lovely head)

i like this song from the OC. makes me want to get down on my knees and repent for all my sins.

Hallelujah

i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah...

baby i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there's a god above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...


Thank you, Jeff Buckley.