Rapid Hope Rose: a Grinch Confession

(FYI: I have never been a huge fan of Christmas. For me, the entire season masquerades real life. Everybody pretends to be happy, generous and forgiving just because ‘tis the season to be jolly. Christmas, in my opinion, highlights everything that is lacking in my life. )

Every child has a myth he/she believes in. Be it Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, the Indian who will kidnap you if you refuse to eat your veggies or even the monster beneath your bed. Society dictates that fantasies are necessary for a normal/ happy childhood. I never believed in these things. DOes this mean that i am not a happy/ normal kid? (Don't answer that)

Christmas is a celebration of these fantasies. Since its that time again, my friends and I discussed the wonders of this occasion. OF course, we happily chatted about the Christmas traditions we have. Mamba said that she still hangs a sock to be filled with presents. Queer and Tubby got excited just thinking about simbang gabi and their wishes. I told them that I never believed in Santa Claus. (Although there was one time when my childhood best friend, 2die4, almost convinced me that he was real. She said that SAnta gave her the pink bike and that all i had to do was write to him and send it to North Pole and tada! I'll have what i asked for on Christmas eve. That almost got me. Good thing I was born a doubter.) They all gave me a look of pity and cluelessness. you must have been a lonely child, Tubby chided.

Amazingly, the belief (or the lack thereof) did not affect my happiness as a kid. It did, however, give a glimpse of things to come. Look what I have become, a self-confessed cynic at 20. Knowledge and Experience do that to a person. One would think that gaining more knowledge would bring about answers and stronger faith. When you think about it, it actually does the opposite. One answer only creates more questions… questions that are even more difficult to resolve.

As for experience being the best teacher, I seriously doubt that. In my case, experience makes me more afraid and unsure of which path to take. It doesn’t bring about enlightenment but only more confusion. After a few failed (almost) relationships, I am having a hard time believing that true love exists. I can’t even start a new one because of the fear of repeating the same mistakes again.

Thank God I saw the Christmas episode of Ally Mcbeal yesterday. It was about hope, something terribly amiss in our world now. Ally and Billy are defending a stockbroker who got fired because he reportedly saw a unicorn. At first glance, it seems that this case was a no-brainer. Of course, Ally and Billy would lose. The guy’s a nutcase. There's no such thing as a unicorn. It's only a mythical character, a legend set to teach American Kids (they're not popular in the Philippines) a lesson. Ally, being a nutcase herself, saw it in a different light.This creature signifies purity, joy, and most importantly, hope. With all the calamities, tragedies and personal grievances we are experiencing in our lives, it seems that hope has deserted us. The Good Morning Miami episode has a similar theme. Jake found out that Dylan is somewhat a New-age girl who believes in chakra and inner goddesses. At first, he ridicules her for believing in such things but when Dylan explains that with many unfortunate and inexplicable things that happened in her life, its good to hold on to something. That is the message of these two series, finding hope in many strange places. I dont think its a bad idea. In fact, it would be wise and beneficial for us to stop for a while and not let hard facts cloud our happiness. IT doesn't mean that if love is not present in our lives right now, it cannot be seen elsewhere. IT doesn't mean that when our loved one passed away, there's no more point in living. It doesn't mean that if we are so deep in debt and have no money to spend for Noche Buena, we cannot celebrate Christmas. Lastly, it doesn't mean that if we are filled with so much problems and nothing is going right in our lives, GOd does not exist.

Christmas may not be my favorite Holiday, but it certainly is the most meaningful. It speaks of the BIg fat Guy who gives gifts to those who have been nice, making the naughty green with envy. This is generosity personified. It's the season for mistletoes, giving the silently-in-love a chance to show his true feelings without having to be rejected. UNdoubtedly, love sharing. It's a time when unicorn fantasies can be talked about and not be called a lunatic, a fountain of youth and happiness. Finally, its a time when the story of a simple virgin giving birth to the saviour of the world in a meager stable brings hope to people living a life of poverty and hopelessness
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This season, I will not think about the things lacking in my life. Instead, I will focus on the things that I do have and are waiting to be noticed and appreciated. In a world of hate, greed, sadness, hopelessness and lies, It wont hurt us if we will keep in mind that love, happiness, hope and faith are inside of us, waiting to be unraveled. Remember, its not a matter of proving that its real but a matter of never stop believing.