the STS aftermath

i am a train wreck waiting to happen.

(thank you, sarah mclachlan for coming up with an apt metaphor for what i'm feeling these past few days. )

IM going baloney thinking about our thesis. I'm so pressured to come up with a great proposal because, well, i just want to. Its a good thing that i have a wonderful thesis partner in golfer, aka georgeous (my special term of endearment for him). We seem to complement each other and he always brings light to my ever gray outlook in life. I love you, TP. :-)

Speaking of love, im getting frustrated everyday because of Dilbert. Just when im starting to bring myself to believe that there might be a chance for whatever to bloom, he disappears again. After playing "hide and seek" with him for the and now he's using it to turn the table on me. I hate this waiting part, i hate being vulnerable. I hate, most of all, the fact that i'm losing control over my thoughts and feelings. Now, i feel that i am under his spell, i can't stop thinking about him... and the weird thing is, they are not mushy thoughts. They are more like sadistic thoughts..like tying him up to a tree and putting red ants in his pants. how he can possibly invoke so much "gigil" in me, i can never understand.

Anyway, im really missing a lot of people (dilbert included). It seems that i only see the same people everyday, and they happen to be my TP, mamba, and members of my family. for the past one month, I have become a certified couch potato/ thesis major. Though it may sound weird, I feel quite contented with my life even though i become melancholic sometimes. Ironically, now that im totally oblivious to the things that are happening outside my shell, im becoming more and more in touch with my inner soul. it's like im wearing my astronaut suit (is that what they call it? the space suit, i mean?), not feeling the energy the cosmos is sending me but my breathing and the beating of my heart are so loud they're deafening me. It's not a bad thing, though. I mean, after putting other people's concerns ahead of me, its about time that i focus on myself, on my desires and choices. This is my life. I'm entitled to my share of selfishness and indifference.

and with that note, im gonna go dream about my thesis.