Lost in Translation

I don’t know which one I like better: Knowing immediately that he doesn’t like me at all or having to live with all the frustrations, confusions, kilig factors brought about by mixed signals.

Admit it, there’s something crazily beautiful about playing the ‘guessing game’. Considering that I love the challenge, the chase and the chutzpah that comes with overcoming the first two, expect me to relish all the drama of playing patintero with assuming and staying dense.

I must say, and this is in all honesty, that I am not the assuming type. As much as possible, I try not to sensationalize guys’ behavior towards me. Until such time that he tries to place a big one on me or tries to undress me, I will continue to assume that he just wants us to be friends. The fact that most of my ‘almost relationships’ started from ‘best-friendships’ kind of ruins the entire non-assumption mantra since this borders on the intersecting venn diagram (thus not mutually exclusive).

But still…

I don’t know how to make of the things that’s happening to me. I think, no, im sure that I like him but I can’t see a future with him. As my friend would put it, “you are the extreme opposites”. Ambec, thanks for reminding me and dampening my already self-deprecating spirit.

On the other hand, if I finally realize that he’s not capable of falling for me too, it would be both a relief (since I wouldn’t have to go through a series of humiliation.. well, not as much) and depressing (since I like him so much and I would therefore go back to being inspiration-less).

Choices. Choices.

On an unrelated note, I am deeply disturbed upon the realization that I, indeed, have a permanent smile. Now, I’m on a search for the 2nd niche smile that would entail lesser muscle movement yet achieve the “charmingly disarming” effect I have gainfully mastered.

Going back to my previous dilemma, it’s reassuring to know that I am not the only one incurring massive eyebags due to the “vague plague”. Tubby and I had a similar discussion last night when I told her the reason of my constant distress.

…It was like the drive home from the prom I have always wanted. I was wearing my glamorously fashionable red and white shawl-like pashmina, sitting beside him on the passenger seat, talking about my passion that is music. The effort was there considering he lives just a stone throw away from where we left and I live in another universe, causing him an hour and a half lag time on his sleeping time. It would have been perfect, would have been complete… if only he feels the same way for me too…I can never be sure. I can never assume. And yet…

Wishful thinking.