tonight, i can freely write about the things that tug at my heart.
*****
I am happy. I know that rationally speaking, i shouldn't be. But now is
not the time for rational thinking. I've been rationalizing everything
about him, but still i end up with nothing but confusion and that
nagging feeling that there is something missing. Not so long ago, I
refused to acknowledge the things that were presenting themselves to me.
At one point, a good thing because somehow, it helped me cushion my
fall. Now, i just want to relish this odd and tingly feeling inside
because at the back of my head, i know that one wrong move and it will
all regress back into my imaginary atlantis and lay in heap at the
doorstep of wishful thinking.
My only fear is that when i have fully placed my feet on the hot air
balloon and left my parachute where my feet should be, a bird will prick
this "bubble" and i will burst into flames, just like that slapstick
scene in looney tunes. But right now, i just want to be free, free to
feel what my heart wants to believe but my logic dares to reject. I am
tired of fighting, so i shall plunge head on, like a soldier without an
armor, like a diver without an oxygen tank, like a school kid heading
into an exam without a minute's review. I know its crazy, but if this
will be the only thing to make the memory last, then crazy it is.
*****
I hope, in the end, it will no longer be an extravagant firework that
after showing off its grandeur, its rich and textured colors, will
disappear into thin air and vanish in space forever.
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