The Place I've Come to Fear the Most

Paksyet.

I feel sick to my stomach.

Paksyet talaga.

***

This is not my week. I hate this unraveling thingie. I do not like being left behind. I do not like seeing her, him, them, walk away.

***

again, i am caught by surprise not by his decision, which I was half expecting in the first place, but by my reaction to that knowledge that he will soon do the thing that I've been wanting to do for the longest time. But now, he is my trigger.

The realization that I should really be thinking about moving on is finally dawning on me. What is left for me to hold on to? My career growth? there isnt any. My friends? They are leaving one by one. The chance to get a glimpse of him every day without the need to talk to him? That, too, will be gone soon. I dont feel safe anymore. After he's gone, I will not have any justification why im still emotionally unavailable. After this, what is there to look forward to?

***

tama si Papa B, when a company does not offer you anything, does not anymore entice you, challenge you, excite you, its time to pack your bags and leave.

***

This is not right. I am sad. Why am i sad? an emotionally draining day + Dashboard Confessional's killer lyrics = puffy eyes and battered soul.