in two hours, i'll be waking up and leaving for the cemetery to visit Mama. 25 years of going here and my heart still aches for her. I never got the chance to know her but I know from all the stories that she was a very kind person; soft spoken, quiet, loving and beautiful inside and out.
I'm not saying that I hate my life now. Mommy has been very good to all of us. I couldn't think of a better person to take care of us than her, but there are times when I cannot help but wonder what my life would be and how I would turn out if Mama had lived longer.I think I would be less talkative, more conservative and reserved, more mysterious and soulful as she had been. I cant say that I would be better. Different,yes, but not necessarily better.
MTB never had the opportunity to meet her. I had been planning a visit to the cemetery so I can introduce him to Mama, but in all four years of our relationship, the moment never arrived.
Maybe God intentionally hindered them from meeting. Maybe He wanted me to bring him, my future, to Mama as a sign that he will be the guy that the Lord has set for me.
I know that Mama is up there guiding us, like an angel whom you may not see, but can feel every second of everyday. She has been instrumental to removing the pain in my heart and allowing me to be hopeful for the future.
I'll be with you later, Mama. We've got a lot to talk about.
CHANGING MY WORLD, ONE MISTAKE AT A TIME.
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