The Awakening

There are three signs of a hypocrite: when he speaks he speaks lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays his trust." - Muhammad

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It was nothing like I expected our meeting to be.

For some reason, I had expected us to be alone, inside a coffee house, sharing our stories of heartbreaks and sadness. I never expected my friends to be there, holding a beer bomb instead of coffee, and laughing maniacally for hours.

I had initially doubted the appropriateness of meeting him as we may be picking on each other’s wounds and planning revenge or self-annihilation. But after talking to him, I realized that God had wanted me to meet him---this is His way of saying that He has a better plan for me.

I admire him for his strength and optimism. After learning what exactly transpired, it made me think how self-centered I was for thinking that I am the only victim. Compared to him, I actually got off unscathed ---the only damage I incurred was for the love of my life, the guy I had placed in an unimaginable pedestal, to destroy the sanctity of our relationship by saying that I was unfaithful to him; that I had been dating/ liking someone else while we’re still together, thus, the breakup. I must say that learning how he painted me to his friends and officemates opened my eyes to the fact that he is not man enough to own up to his shortcomings. I know that I share part of the blame for our relationship not working, like my absorption with work, my lack of patience, my inability to put in concrete form how much I loved and treasured him, but NEVER had I been unfaithful to him during the (almost) 4 years we’d been together. NEVER. Not even when he questioned my being, not even when he told me hurtful things over and over again. If he would just be honest with himself, he would be able to come to terms that it was over the moment he left me alone in the middle of that public place, crying over an implied accusation. No one deserved to be treated like that. Especially someone who gave all her love and trust in one person who has proven himself unworthy.

But again, my pain is nothing compared to what he experienced. The girl he loved not only left her due to his inability to provide her a comfortable future, but he was betrayed by a person he considered a friend. If he were less of a man that he is, he would have plotted his revenge and physically manifested his pain. But he did not. He found solace in God and comfort in the knowledge that he is living his life with a clear conscience. If for anything, he treated this nightmare as a blessing in disguise for he now knew who his friends are and he got saved from a deceitful relationship. This is once again a proof of how great God is. Don’t worry, C, you have my full support and friendship. Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth and for inspiring me to become a better person.

To you who once held my heart, it disappoints me that you have become this person who no longer puts significance on the virtues of trust, honesty and friendship. I had so much faith in you, so much respect. I had always believed you to be better than this, and a part of my heart still does--- although it has been proven time and again that one can get easily corrupted if he surrounds himself with people who are self-serving and have no sense of justice. I hope it is not too much to ask for honesty and respect. If you cannot admit the reason why we broke up, then just shut up and stop pinning the blame on me. Unlike other people, I put a high value on truthfulness and fidelity, no matter what you want to believe.

This is just the start of your journey—a time for discovery and learning. Re-build your house with truth as your foundation and may you both find peace of mind and happiness with a clear conscience.

C, we’ll get right the next time. We may not get what we want, but we will always get what we deserve… and for sure, it will be so much better.